To herself 2 (& someone else I guess...)

I have this feeling that I should not have..

I miss you..

Even if I know what I really miss is being on life holiday in the sweet arms with sweet kisses..

Even if I know I don't really know who I am missing, and so how can really miss them?

Even if the missing may not be reciprocated therefore what a pathetic missing it is...indeed..

Even if it is so silly and childish and weak of me to miss someone who I don't know and should not care about...

But I am missing....

you?

Or maybe it is something in me that is missing and so now it became more clear, but in confusion I call this 'you'?

Or maybe missing it and you is very healthy and  normal and right, and I should simply enjoy the corners of my mouth smiling at the thought of perhaps not missing anything any more since I am now

missing you....? :)

My (literary) past got lost, but perhaps for good?

Today I checked my blog, after over an 8 month break.. and lost all the most beautiful posts :(
I saw them online  - I read again the lines I wrote back then, they did not hurt even if what they talked about was real, and then beautiful, and then extremely painful... but I liked their beauty, and read them proud...

Then I lost them.... all these poetic lines - they seemed published, so i deleted their automatic drafts thinking these were only drafts... but then it turned out all was gone: my lines of falling in love, missing, of wanting to be the perfect lover to them who seemed perfect for me but who then told me it was not what he wanted and so I had to be lost...

I miss these lines: my poetry, my heart, my drafts, could have been great song ideas, but perhaps, since, perhaps someone new is on the horizon, perhaps this mistake was good for me?
Perhaps...

To herself 1

It came back, did it? After being lost, by Someone...

Or maybe she is coming back - this quirky teenage version of herself, maybe?

Now thinking of a boy with the cutest smile, with the warmest hugs, that boy, oh that boy.... :)

Far away now, but making her smile... from so far away, yet smiling so much... :)

That boy who was not supposed to come, was not supposed to like, was not supposed to stay, was not supposed to make her smile, it was definitely not supposed to happen - how dare you fate, cock up my plans so much, when I carefully decided all I wanted was some ego boost, short dates & quick compliments, then back to my hidden secret lonely life, and now that boy?

But maybe he'll stay, maybe she'll stay, who knows?

:)